Before: notice the situation
What was happening before the feeling became strong?
Was there a change, wait, difficult task or unmet need?
What can we make clearer or easier next time?
Example: before leaving a game, give a short warning and one choice about the next step. Avoid offering a choice about something already decided.
During: a feeling and a limit
Use a few words and keep necessary safety limits clear. “You wanted another turn. It's hard to stop. We are leaving now.” If a child hits, protect people and name the limit: “I won't let you hit.”
Our short explanation:
The limit or safety action needed:
An acceptable alternative:
After: reconnect and practice
When you are both calmer, return to the situation briefly. Explain what happened, repair an adult mistake if needed and practice the next step. A long lecture is not required to make the limit clear.
What we will practice:
What another caregiver needs to know:
Three illustrative situations
- Leaving: name the change, acknowledge wanting to stay and offer a role in leaving.
- Waiting: explain what is being waited for and offer something the child can do meanwhile.
- A difficult task: break the task into one manageable part and ask what kind of help is wanted.
These are examples for discussion, not a diagnosis or required script. If a concern persists or safety is difficult to maintain, discuss the specific observations with an appropriate professional.
Read the full feelings guide · Read about clear limits · Read about hitting and biting
Edition: October 2026. National Parenting Foundation. Reuse and permissions.