Respond to the incident
Move close enough to prevent further harm and separate the children gently if needed. Say, “I will not let you hit,” or “Biting hurts. I am moving you back.” Keep your voice firm without threatening or humiliating the child.
Attend to the injured person and follow the setting's first-aid and reporting procedures. Get medical advice about an injury when needed. Do not demand an immediate apology while a child is still overwhelmed; first restore safety and help them calm.
ZERO TO THREE's guidance on aggression explains why young children need adult help with limits and acceptable ways to express feelings. Its biting guidance cautions against calling a child “a biter” or using harsh punishment.
Look at what happened just before
Describe the event without labeling the child. “Two children reached for the same truck, then one bit the other's arm” identifies a situation you can work on. “They are mean” does not.
Notice where it happens, who is nearby and what is difficult at that point in the day. You may see a pattern around waiting, a crowded play space or a transition. A pattern is a starting point for support, not proof of a diagnosis.
Illustrative example: Biting occurs when several toddlers gather at one small table. The adults spread the materials over a larger area and stay close during the activity. They also practice a simple way to request more space. The change addresses the setting as well as the child's behavior.
Teach an alternative that serves the same need
If the child needs space, practice “Move back” with a gesture. If they want a toy, practice getting an adult's help or asking for a turn. If they are angry at a limit, offer a safe way to show anger without hurting someone.
Practice briefly when calm. You might use dolls or a picture to rehearse what to do, then remind the child before a situation that has been difficult. Praise the specific action you see: “You moved back and called me.” This explains what worked.
Illustrative example: A toddler hits when another child takes a block. Later, the caregiver demonstrates holding out a hand and saying, “I am using that.” During the next block game, the caregiver remains nearby and helps before the disagreement becomes physical. One rehearsal does not mean the child can manage alone next time.
Work with the care setting
If it happens in child care, ask for an account of what occurred and how the adults responded. Discuss supervision, the situation before the incident and the replacement skill being taught. Use the same short language when possible, without insisting that every setting be identical.
Avoid circulating another child's name, photograph or health information in group messages. The provider can discuss your child's support and explain its procedures while protecting other families' privacy.
The caregiver sheet on big feelings helps organize what happens before, during and after a difficult moment. Communicating with caregivers provides a fuller conversation approach.
When you need more help
Seek advice if injuries are serious, the behavior is frequent or worsening, it is difficult to keep people safe, or you have broader concerns about development and communication. Describe the pattern to your child's clinician and the care setting. Do not wait for a label before requesting help.
If you become very angry, bring in another safe adult when available and step back once the children are protected. Hitting a child to teach them not to hit adds harm and does not provide the skill they need.
For the everyday work of maintaining limits, continue with guidance and boundaries. For naming feelings and helping a child recover, read toddler feelings.