Explain what will happen in concrete terms
“A baby will come to live with us. Babies need help with feeding, changing and sleeping. You will still have your place here.” This gives a young child more information than “You are going to be a big helper.”
Talk about the baby's early needs honestly. A newborn will not be ready to play the way an older child plays. Books, photographs and a doll can give you something to discuss together. AAP's guidance on preparing older siblings describes ways to explain these changes at different ages.
If you will be away for the birth, name the caregiver and the arrangements you know. Avoid promising an exact return date if it is uncertain. An older child can help choose a familiar book or activity for that time.
Keep a small piece of the day familiar
You may not be able to keep every routine. Choose one that is realistic: a story, a short walk, a familiar breakfast or a conversation while getting dressed. Another trusted adult can keep that routine when you cannot.
Illustrative example: A parent is feeding the baby when the older child wants a book. Instead of a promise to read “later,” the parent says, “Put the book here. When I finish this feeding, we will read it on the couch.” If plans change, the parent explains the change and offers a time they can keep.
Small periods of attention can be valuable without a special outing or purchase. Let your child choose what you do together sometimes. If you have very little time, say so plainly while still showing interest in what they want to share.
Invite participation without giving responsibility
An older child might choose a song, bring a clean diaper or point out a favorite picture. Offer a choice to join in; do not make helping the price of your attention. An adult remains responsible for the baby's care and supervision.
Teach gentle interaction while staying close. If a child wants to touch the baby's face roughly, move their hand away and show another way to interact: “I will keep the baby safe. You can touch the blanket with me.” Do not leave the children together without appropriate adult supervision.
Give the older child a way to opt out. Quiet play nearby, time with another caregiver or a book of their own can be a better fit than participating in every feeding and change.
When your child wants to be cared for like the baby
AAP notes that some children temporarily return to earlier behaviors after a sibling arrives. A child might want more help or have toileting accidents. Respond to the need without mocking them or insisting that being older means they should manage alone.
Illustrative example: A preschooler who usually dresses independently asks to be dressed. The caregiver offers help with the shirt and lets the child choose whether to do the pants. The request becomes a moment of care rather than a debate about being “a big kid.”
If a change is persistent, worrying or accompanied by other concerns, discuss it with your child's clinician. The arrival of a baby should not be used to explain away every new difficulty.
Make space for feelings and firm limits
“You wanted me to pick you up. It is hard to wait.” Naming the feeling does not mean allowing a child to hurt the baby or another person. You can acknowledge anger and move everyone to safety at the same time.
Visitors can include the older child in conversation instead of asking only about the baby. A trusted relative might spend time with the older child while another adult helps with household work. If you are caring for both children alone, keep activities simple and near enough to supervise safely.
For more examples of responding to strong feelings, read toddler feelings and hitting and biting. The talk and read together cards offer short ways to connect during a day with many interruptions.