Tell your child what will happen
For a baby, your voice, expression and a familiar receiving caregiver matter more than a detailed explanation. For a toddler or preschooler, name the person and a recognizable event: “You will stay with your teacher. I will come after afternoon snack.” Use that description only if it matches the actual arrangement.
AAP's separation guidance recommends specific explanations, consistent goodbyes and keeping your promise to return. Different children and stages bring different responses.
If someone else will collect your child, say so. “Grandpa is picking you up today” is more helpful than a promise that you will return when you know you will not. The provider also needs the correct pickup authorization.
Choose a goodbye you can keep
A hug, a short phrase and a handoff to the caregiver can become the familiar sequence. Practice it during a calm moment. Keep the focus on connecting with your child rather than persuading them that there is nothing to feel.
Illustrative example: A toddler clings at drop-off. The parent says, “You want me to stay. Your caregiver is here with you. We will have our hug, then I am leaving for work.” The caregiver comes close to receive the child and offer comfort. The adults have agreed beforehand who takes over at that point.
Avoid sneaking out. ZERO TO THREE's guidance on separation explains why saying goodbye supports a child's understanding that you leave and return.
The handoff and the reunion
Share what comforts your child, how they communicate and any change in sleep, health or the household that could affect the day. A family photograph may help some children, if the setting can use it safely. Do not place a photograph, clothing or a comfort item in an infant's sleep space.
Ask how the caregiver will support the child after you leave and how updates are handled. Decide on a way to receive information that does not require repeated interruptions. A photo or message policy should protect other children's privacy as well as your own child's.
The caregiver handoff sheet holds relevant information. Communicating with caregivers helps when you need a fuller conversation about how the day is going.
Give your child attention when you return. You might name the connection: “I came back after snack, as we said.” Let the child reconnect in their own way rather than requiring an immediate account of the day.
Illustrative example: A preschooler becomes tearful at pickup even though the teacher reports a settled afternoon. The caregiver offers a quiet few minutes before asking questions. Later, they discuss the day. The reunion does not have to prove whether the child had a good or bad experience.
Keep adult concerns for a separate conversation with the provider when possible. Asking a child repeatedly whether they cried can make it harder to hear the rest of their experience.
When a separation is longer or plans change
Explain the arrangement you know, with a calendar, pictures or a simple sequence if that helps. Avoid promises you cannot keep. If a delay changes pickup, inform the provider and have the change explained to the child in clear terms.
In family separation, deployment, travel or two-home arrangements, follow the agreed safety and care arrangements. A general goodbye routine cannot resolve a custody or safeguarding concern.
Persistent distress, an inability to settle or a change in behavior that worries you deserves discussion with the clinician and care setting. Be specific about what happens and for how long. Do not dismiss a concern merely because separation feelings are common, and do not promise that every child adjusts within a few days.