Support after pregnancy or infant loss

Think about whether you want someone to listen, help with a task, communicate with others or accompany you to an appointment. You can make a narrow request without committing to a longer conversation.

An example might be: “Please let the group know I am not ready for messages,” or “Could you come with me and help write down what the clinician says?” Use whatever words feel right to you.

Follow the medical instructions from your care team and ask how to reach them with concerns. You may have questions about physical recovery, test results or a follow-up appointment. Ask which questions can be addressed now and which may need another discussion.

If you are experiencing an urgent medical problem, seek medical attention rather than waiting for a support group or website response.

Different resources offer different kinds of help. A peer group may provide contact with people who have related experiences; a qualified clinician can offer assessment and treatment when needed. You can ask about the group's focus, facilitation, format, privacy arrangements and whether it is appropriate for your circumstances.

Postpartum Support International maintains pregnancy and postpartum loss resources. Read the current details for each service rather than assuming every group serves the same experience or age range.

Decide what you want others to know and who may tell them. You can ask a trusted person to handle messages. You can also change your mind about visits or conversations without explaining why to everyone.

Photographs, names and other personal details should not be shared by others without your permission. Accepting support does not require agreeing to a public story or a fundraiser.

Acknowledge the loss without trying to make it smaller. Avoid explanations beginning with “at least” or promises about a future pregnancy. Ask whether the person wants company, practical help or privacy, and respect the answer.

Offer something you can do and ask again at another appropriate time. Support needs do not necessarily end when the first messages and visits stop. Remember that partners and other family members may also need space to talk.

If you feel at risk of harming yourself or someone else, or cannot keep yourself safe, use emergency or crisis support. In the United States, call 911 for immediate danger or a medical emergency. Outside the United States, use a local crisis or emergency service.

To find support resources, begin with Find Support. The visit worksheet can help organize questions when you are ready for a conversation.

You can choose a short response for people who do not know what happened: “We have had a loss, and I am not ready to talk about it.” At work or in a community setting, you may want a trusted person to share only the information necessary for an absence or a change in arrangements. Ask what the organization requires rather than offering every private detail.

Some reminders may be welcome; others may be painful. You can tell someone whether you want them to use a baby's name, mention an expected date or ask how you are doing. There is no need to decide permanently. Partners and relatives can have different preferences, and those preferences do not measure how much someone cares.

If you want a way to remember, it can be private: keeping an item, writing something down or choosing a moment with someone close to you. You can also choose not to do any of those things. A public story or ceremony is not required to acknowledge a loss.

Ask your care team or an appropriate bereavement professional for help talking with a child in ways that fit their age and circumstances. You do not have to answer every question immediately. Another trusted adult may be able to keep ordinary routines going or spend time with the child while you rest or attend a visit.

If you are supporting the family, do not tell a child private details the caregiver has not agreed to share. Ask which words the family is using and what kind of practical help they want. A thoughtful offer can be as simple as handling a familiar pickup or meal, without asking the family to describe the loss again.